An Unexpected Gift of Community

Ximena Giesemann is a graduate student at Claremont Graduate University pursuing a PhD in Positive Development Psychology, and also Project Koru’s program intern. A cancer survivor herself, she hopes to one day use what she has learned about program development, evaluation, and Positive Psychology to create and evaluate programs for adolescent and young adult cancer survivors. Ximena is an avid outdoorswoman, and has frequently been spotted carrying her cat on her shoulders through the airports of her many travels. We are excited to announce Ximena will be a regular guest blogger!

Occasionally, I get nervous before meeting new people and I have to say I was particularly nervous right before attending my first Project Koru virtual program. In classic form, I folded my semi-sweaty hands in my lap as I waited for the virtual call to begin. I wasn’t sure what to expect. How many people would be there? Would I feel awkward in this virtual setting? It wasn’t long before a group of other cancer survivors and PK program leaders filled my computer screen. The program leaders introduced themselves--and as cheesy as it sounds--I was almost instantly put at ease by the refreshingly authentic and caring environment that they created (and that I would later learn embodies PK). I simultaneously felt a sense of unsaid understanding between myself and the other cancer survivors. Regardless of the time that has passed since my treatment completion, this feeling of somebody else truly “getting it” never ceases to be both healing and validating.

Perhaps this feeling of someone else “getting” this component of my life experience-my cancer journey-is especially salient for me because of how misunderstood I felt after my cancer diagnosis and treatment. To give a better idea, let me rewind back to late October in 2016--about one month after being told I was “cancer free”. It was the quiet after the storm: my loved ones breathed a deep sigh of relief, and conversations slowly started to revolve around things other than my cancer. Meanwhile, my internal experience was anything but quiet--my mind buzzed incessantly as I tried to make sense of my new relationship with life and death that cancer had given me. I remember feeling deeply alone as these thoughts circulated in my head, and light years away from my friends.

If I could transport back to that October, I’d give my younger self a glimpse into the future--of me right before my first PK program-- sitting there, sweaty palms and all, about to meet a group of young adults who had also had cancer. I’d talk about the deep sense of meaning and community that PK has gifted me with (somehow, completely virtually!). I’d share my experience with the consistent comfort and realness of PK, and describe the feeling of deep groundedness I receive after each PK program. I’d assure myself that I was not the only one who was asking those questions, or having those thoughts. I’d encourage myself to hang in there. 

I have seen and felt how PK welcomes young people impacted by cancer (regardless of where they are in their journey) with open arms. My only regret is that I did not join this community sooner :) 

Sending positive thoughts to you all,

Ximena 

If you’re looking for a way to get connected, check out Koru Communities or email programs@projectkoru.org