The Power of Empathy: Supporting Someone Navigating Cancer
Empathy, at its core, is about connecting with others in a meaningful way. It is not sympathy, feeling sorry for someone, or trying to wish it away for them. It’s about validating the world from their perspective and supporting holding that uncomfortable space for their emotions. In the context of cancer survivorship, empathy is a vital aspect for people finding ways to support their loved ones.
Perspective Taking: Seeing Through New Lenses
When you’ve faced cancer, your perspective on life changes dramatically. The things that once seemed significant may no longer hold the same weight. At the same time, new challenges and concerns can emerge. For those who haven’t walked this path, it can be difficult to truly grasp the depth of this shift. Perspective-taking, the first attribute of empathy, asks us to try.
Imagine the world through the eyes of someone who has just completed treatment. There’s relief, yes, but also uncertainty. Will the cancer come back? How do I adjust to this new normal? Perspective-taking means acknowledging these questions without judgment, understanding that the survivor’s world is now colored by these new realities. It's about being present in their experience, even if we can’t fully understand it.
Staying Out of Judgment: Holding Space for Complexity
One challenging aspect of supporting a cancer survivor is resisting the urge to judge—whether it’s the survivor judging themselves or others unintentionally or intentionally doing so. It’s easy to think, "You’re done with treatment; let’s move on with life," or “Aren’t you happy to be alive, so why are you still struggling?"
The truth is, survivorship and all the emotions mixed in it are complex. It’s a mix of positive and undesirable emotions. Staying out of judgment means recognizing that these emotions are valid, no matter how contradictory they may seem. It means accepting that healing is not a linear or logical process and that it's okay to not be okay.
Recognizing Emotion in Another Person: Seeing the Unseen
Emotions are often hidden beneath the surface, especially for those who have faced something as life-altering as cancer. Survivors might put on a brave face, telling the world they’re fine, even when they’re not. Often times this mask is for not only their own comfort but to hide that uncomfortableness from others and “spare them." Recognizing emotion in another person is about tuning into those subtle cues—the hesitations, the quiet moments, the shifts in body language, the things left unsaid.
It’s about seeing the fear behind the smile, the fatigue masked by determination, or the lingering sadness that comes with the loss of a pre-cancer life. By recognizing these emotions, we can better support people in their journey, offering them the space to express what they might not even realize they’re feeling.
Communicating Understanding: Building a Bridge of Connection
We can be nonjudgemental, we can be curious about seeing things from their perspective, and we can tune in to those unseen emotions. The catch is communicating all of that to the individual so they know. It is important that they feel seen, heard, and validated. It’s not enough to simply recognize someone’s emotions—we need to communicate that understanding. This can be as simple as saying, “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, and I’m here to listen.” Or, “It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling right now.”
There can be hesitation in this final aspect of the engagement of empathy. Too often it is because we are trying to think of the right thing to say or how to fix it. The power here is redirecting away from that fix-it urge and focusing on communicating that there is no judgment and what they are feeling is valid and makes sense for their lived experience.
There is power in sitting next to someone in that stillness and being beside them as the tides of emotional waves go in and out from the shore.
Communicating understanding is about validating the person's experience and letting them know that their feelings are real and that they’re not alone. It’s about building a bridge of connection, one that allows them to feel supported as they navigate their new reality.
Closing Thoughts
Whether you’re a survivor yourself or someone supporting a loved one, remember that empathy isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being present, holding space, and walking alongside someone as they navigate their path. In the end, it’s this connection that helps us heal, grow, and move forward.
-Jesse “Bull” Eriksen
